This weekend Chris and I were in our room getting ready for a Father’s Day dinner when we heard the beginnings, of what would become, an epic fight between our girls. It went something like this: “That was my spot.” “No! I was here first.” NO! I was here first!” “NO I WAS HERE FIRST!” “NO. YOU. WERE. NOT!! I. WAS. HERE FIIIIRST!!!!!! (slap)” At this point we decided it was time to intervene. Chris looked at me and said: “It’s time for the Get Along Shirt.”
The “Get Along Shirt” is one of Chris’ t-shirts. He put both of the girls’ heads through the head of the shirt, with each girl having one arm through the arm hole. The more they pulled against each other, the more it hurt their neck. (A point they soon discovered.) Chris told them that the only way to alleviate the pain was to put their heads together, quit pulling away, and just sit there. The first one to acknowledge their wrongdoing and apologize got to get out of the Get Along Shirt. It took about 5 minutes, but our oldest broke first and decided to apologize. (I think it was more out of her wanting control back than out of a repentant heart.) I listened as my amazing husband calmly walked them through the conflict resolution steps. He reminded them that they should consider the other more important than what territory they occupied. He also reminded them that name-calling and violence is no way to handle a disagreement. Before they could move from the couch, Chris made them tell each other five things they loved about the other, while holding hands and looking directly into each other’s eyes. At first, it was brutal. (You would think that naming five positive things would be easy. Apparently not!) However, by the time our youngest was finished affirming her sister, they were laughing with each other. The rest of the evening was great.
This scene got me to thinking about the “grownup” world in which I live. I have been taken back by the amount of name-calling, back-stabbing, and character assassinations I’ve seen on social media, news casts, and even heard from the pulpit. This observation wouldn’t be so astonishing if it were only non-believers. (I expect non-Christians to act like non-Christians.) However, those who profess to be followers of Jesus have been among the worst. I totally understand the need to fight against and call out injustices, terrorism, racism, and heresy. But, I don’t understand the need for individuals to attack people’s character and slander others just because you disagree with a certain theological, political, or social position. There are tons of people I disagree with on a daily basis (including, at times, myself). However, aren’t people, who may go against everything I stand for, still “made in the image of God” and precious to the God who created them (Gen. 1:27)? Aren’t they worthy of respect and common decency? Maybe…just maybe, it’s time for some of us to squeeze into the “Get Along Shirt.”
During the epic fight, my girls where utterly opposed to each other. They both thought they were entitled to THAT spot on the couch, and they weren’t going to move. However, the Get Along Shirt forced them into the same location, in which they couldn’t move without hurting themselves. Some of us have forgotten that the more we accuse and slander each other, the more we are actually hurting ourselves. More importantly, we are hurting the name of Christ. I’ve always been stunned by Jesus’ command in John 13:34-35. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this [your love for one another] all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (emphasis added) I have this sinking feeling that us, Christ-followers, aren’t doing so good in this area. Instead of respectfully disagreeing with each other (which is healthy), we are throwing verbal punches…all in the name of “pure Christianity.” It’s sickening. And, it’s got to stop. We have to find ways to disagree with each other, all the while, respecting (not demonizing) each other. We need to see the commonality we share (sinful, awful people who are redeemed only through the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ), and then learn how to respond to our points of disagreement instead of attacking the “opposing” side’s character. YES, it is possible (and many times crucial) to point out the fallacy and even dishonesty of a person’s statement without assassinating their character. But, it takes humility and work.
Over the last few days, we have been bombarded with the recent “Republican targeted” shooting in which a man shot a group of congressmen just because of their political affiliation. It’s causing some of us to stop and question whether our rhetoric is contributing to this type of violence. I’ll let the experts debate that point, but I will say, our rhetoric (which is reflective of our heart) must change. Every week, Chris and I talk with college students who are confused at what they are seeing on Twitter and Facebook. Popular pastors and Christian leaders are spewing some of the most nasty, hurtful things at other religions, people within their own denomination with whom they disagree, and even towards our political leaders. We can do better. We MUST do better.
I think we could all learn something from my husband’s little “encouragement exercise.” Instead of looking and thinking only of what we don’t like about an individual, I want to challenge us to stop, look each other in the eyes, and then begin naming the things we do like about the other person. I think we will find that we have more in common than we ever dreamed. So…do you need the Get Along Shirt?
This is the the Get Along Shirt. Notice the wailing that is going on. You would have thought we were torturing them. 🙂
